{"id":243521,"date":"2020-10-22T10:57:30","date_gmt":"2020-10-22T17:57:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lulus.com\/blog\/?p=243521"},"modified":"2021-08-26T13:14:58","modified_gmt":"2021-08-26T20:14:58","slug":"nice-girl-syndrome-race-conversations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lulus.com\/blog\/lifestyle\/nice-girl-syndrome-race-conversations\/","title":{"rendered":"How Being ‘Nice’ Prevents Brave Conversations About Race"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"hannah
Image via the Kinswomen<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

‘Nice girl’ conditioning, or ‘Nice Girl Syndrome,’ is an element of white supremacy–especially for white women. This conditioning is powerful: It teaches white women to avoid confrontation and to stay small and polite<\/a>. It also protects whiteness by reinforcing the idea that women who\u00a0do<\/i> speak up<\/a>, specifically women of color, are problematic.\u00a0\u00a0This creates fissures and distrust between women of color and white women. When a WOC speaks up for themselves or their communities, instead of being supported<\/a> by white women, they\u2019re often ignored or criticized. These societal structures also prevent white women from having honest and impactful race conversations. Thus, the status quo stays firmly in place. So how does this conditioning manifest–and how do we override it?<\/p>\n

\"black
Image via Shutterstock<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What is Nice Girl Syndrome?<\/h2>\n

If you\u2019ve ever heard the phrase, \u201cSugar and spice and everything nice,\u201d you know immediately it\u2019s gendered towards girls and women. Our society has demanded that women be accommodating, kind, and undisruptive. And when women\u2014again, especially women of color\u2014aren\u2019t?\u00a0\u00a0We all know about the racist trope of the \u2018angry Black woman\u2019 (as if anger wasn\u2019t justified). White women, on the other hand, are often given the presumption of innocence and good intent.<\/p>\n

For white women, the conditioning and incentives to not disrupt white supremacy betray a sense of knowing when something is unjust while offering a false sense of safety. This creates a culture where, on one hand, white women are afraid to use their voices to speak up for themselves and for injustices towards others,\u00a0and\u00a0<\/i>it contributes to an unfair stereotype of the \u2018nice white woman.\u2019<\/p>\n

Stereotypes and societal expectations hurt women and erase the complexities and nuances of our individual lives and experiences, so recognizing and deconstructing them is vital to bridging the gaps between us and creating more empathy<\/a>.<\/p>\n

How do we override nice-girl conditioning?<\/h2>\n

We uphold \u2018nice girl\u2019 conditioning in our daily interactions by not challenging what we know to be wrong, or believing that there is some kind of neutral stance towards justice that exists. Some of the hardest conversations to have about race and allyship<\/a> are with those closest to us. Maybe, in the fabric of certain relationships, we\u2019ve never had to confront race, what it means to be an ally, or how we have been complicit in maintaining white supremacy. From a place of privilege, we might have believed that these topics didn\u2019t apply to us. Now that we know things we can\u2019t\u00a0un-<\/i>know, and we\u2019ve seen things that we can\u2019t unsee, can we be brave enough to override our conditioning and risk not being seen as \u201cnice?\u201d<\/p>\n

Like learning any new habit, developing a new behavior requires practice, and at first, speaking up about race<\/a> and racial injustice or introducing this kind of dialogue into a friendship, workplace, or community might feel unnatural and risky. When you feel the fear or discomfort, acknowledge it. Ask yourself: Where does this reflex come from? Whom does it serve to stay quiet? Who benefits from my ‘Nice Girl Syndrome?’ What are the risks of not<\/i>\u00a0speaking up? What has gone un-asked for, unsaid, un-challenged in countless women\u2019s lives, all for the sake of being nice?<\/p>\n

It might not feel \u201cnice\u201d to your friend when you ask her why she has said nothing about racial justice after posting a black square on Instagram in June. You will not get \u201cnice\u201d points when you ask your boss what their plan is to diversify the leadership team. The white wellness brand that you follow may not take your suggestion about de-centering whiteness in their marketing and communications \u201cnicely.\u201d<\/p>\n\"the\n

Why is it so important to be brave with race conversations?<\/h2>\n

Yes, we are asking for bravery from white women. In privilege and in numbers, white women wield a lot of power and have the resources to help turn the dial towards justice.<\/p>\n

But we are not meant to do this work alone. That\u2019s why we\u2019re so hell-bent on creating a community of allies with our Kinswomen platform. We are unlearning structures\u2014internal and external\u2014and ripping them down to the studs so that we can create a better society. That\u2019s no easy goal, and support and encouragement is the only way that we can maintain the energy to do consistent anti-racism<\/a> work.<\/p>\n

It is an act of kindness when you are vocal and vulnerable about your values and viewpoints. You stand for yourself, for others, and you give permission to those who might feel afraid to be outspoken about what\u2019s important to them. Transparency builds stronger, truer relationships.<\/p>\n

\u201cNice girl conditioning\u201d isn\u2019t actually nice at all. How often have you buried your truth in an attempt to keep the peace, or stayed small thinking it would keep you safe? That silence allows injustice to fester, for presumptions and stereotypes to go unchallenged, for our voices to be devalued. We say: Enough. The stakes are too high for us to stay quiet and be nice.<\/p>\n

How are you showing bravery in race conversations and ridding yourself of ‘Nice Girl Syndrome?’ Tell us in the comments! For more information on the Kinswomen, visit\u00a0www.kinswomenpodcast.com<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

‘Nice girl’ conditioning, or ‘Nice Girl Syndrome,’ is an element of white supremacy–especially for white women. This conditioning is powerful: It teaches white women to avoid confrontation and to stay small and polite. It also protects whiteness by reinforcing the idea that women who\u00a0do speak up, specifically women of color, are problematic.\u00a0\u00a0This creates fissures and… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":174,"featured_media":243544,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[42077],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-243521","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow To Override Nice Girl Syndrome & Have Honest Race Conversations - Lulus.com Fashion Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"'Nice girl' conditioning teaches white women to avoid confrontation, preventing honest race conversations. 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