There are numerous reasons why New Year’s resolutions fail–and fail hard. After an extended holiday period filled with intense family time, spending money, and copious amounts of indulgent eating, people decide that they’re ready to course correct. But being mid-sugar or Champagne stupor hardly makes for sensible decision making, and we often make goals based on the person we think we should be. This year, instead of setting yourself up for resolution failure, consider making anti-resolutions.
The truth is, it’s very hard to become a brand new person any time, regardless if it’s the start of a new year, and it’s much easier to be a better version of who you already are. Sure, we all want to be Beyoncé, but sorry, that position has been filled. Indefinitely.
Resolutions also tend to be large, sweeping, vague promises to yourself. Without the right motivation or any real actionable steps to achieve those promises, the path to success is almost non-existent, leading to disappointment. In lieu of lofty life goals, remove bad habits or obstacles that are consciously or subconsciously holding you back, or make anti-resolutions. Keep them specific and reasonable so you can realistically stick to and achieve them. Think of it as KonMari-ing your life to make space for things that will ultimately bring you joy. Ultimately, your list should be specific to your needs and goals, but here are a few ideas to get you started.
1. Stop saying sorry all the time. Over-apologizing is a common behavior, especially for women. A 2010 study published in Psychological Science showed that women had a lower threshold of what they considered to be offensive behavior, and thus tended to apologize more often.
Resist apologizing just for existing; it’s harmful to both your own self-confidence and others’ perception of you. Save sorry for times you make genuine mistakes or offenses. Stepped on someone’s foot by accident? Say you’re sorry. Didn’t respond to an email immediately because you were busy or, most likely, you just didn’t want to? No need to apologize. Do the thing, and move on.
2. Stop mindlessly scrolling through your phone. Yes, technology has enabled us to be more productive and connected than ever, but it’s also caused us to be less productive and connected. You can find almost anything you want within seconds, but an overwhelming number of options put us in a constant state of context switching, starting multiple things without efficiently finishing any of them (how many browser tabs do you have open right now? If it’s less than five, you deserve some kind of medal).
Phones let us keep in touch with friends who live far away, and at the same time, give us an escape hatch from talking to the person sitting next to us in the same room. Only in this strange world of connectedness do people spend time online debating about the accuracy of a bagel or cheeseburger emoji instead of going to grab a real-life bagel or cheeseburger with a human friend.
Because time is the one thing you can never get more of, be more intentional with it. Do you really have to see what all your friends ate for breakfast on Instagram? Probably not. Is your phone the only option when you’re bored? Absolutely not. You may be surprised at the things you notice and the conversations you have when you finally put down your device and be present.
For more inspiration, listen to the Rich Roll podcast on digital minimalism, which details why phones are so addictive and why we all need a little more solitude (which, FYI, is not the same as loneliness or being alone) in our lives.
3. Stop doing things only because you feel like you should. There are activities that we more-than-willingly do (happy hour with friends!) and ones we often do out of obligation (happy hour with awkward coworkers!). Hopefully the former outnumber the latter, but if not, learn when to set boundaries and when to say no.
“No” is a hard but powerful word to use. It puts you in control, and it prioritizes your focus, time, and effort on things that will pay off. We tend to say yes more often than we probably should because we don’t want to disappoint people. It’s impossible to please everyone all the time anyway, so where possible, you might as well pick the things that will maximize your own happiness. If someone judges you for saying no to them, maybe that relationship is what you should be saying no to.
4. Stop being so hard on yourself. We are all our own harshest critics. Whether you said something embarrassing in public or accidentally replied all to an email that hardly warranted a response, let alone a group one, it’s likely that the only person who will remember your gaff the next day is you.
Likewise, if someone gives you a genuine compliment, don’t try to downplay or explain why you don’t deserve it. Simply say thank you. We are quick to forgive the mistakes and notice the successes of others; try to do the same for yourself.
5. Stop getting hung up on the little things. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day stuff. Minor inconveniences may seem like major battles in an isolated context, but take a step back and look at the big picture. Life is made up of a series of many little moments, both good and bad, and most of those moments are not worth obsessing over. Fixating on negative things is exhausting and unbecoming, and no one likes hanging out with a grump. Take the hit, let it go, and look forward instead of backward. There’s a whole world of opportunity waiting.
What anti-resolutions are you making? Tell us in the comments–and shop new pieces for the new year here!
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