Many of today’s wedding rituals first came about during the Victorian era. Similar to modern times, weddings could be grand affairs, and from early childhood, girls often focused on their wedding days, learning songs and rhymes as well as superstitions about everything from the date chosen for the event to the dress the bride would wear. Though a modern observer might find many aspects of a Victorian wedding familiar, there were several customs and traditions that didn’t stand the test of time.

The Engagement

The engagement period during the Victorian era was an important time. With the presentation of the engagement ring, the man signified his commitment to the future marriage. Because marital matches occurred within a definite social class, these future unions usually involved economic decisions that benefited both families. Engaged couples had more freedom in their contact with each other compared to those who were courting; however, most families continued to require that an engaged couple be chaperoned when they spent time together. The bride chose the wedding day, and the bride’s parents paid for the trousseau. After wedding invitations were sent, the bride could no longer appear in public until the wedding.

The Wedding Ensemble

Children in the wedding party were common. Girls might be either flower girls or ring bearers when very young. Older girls might be junior bridesmaids. Girls typically wore white muslin dresses with matching stockings and shoes. Boys were part of the ceremony, too, having the important job of holding the bride’s train. Boys wore velvet jackets, shirts with round linen collars, large bows, and short trousers. Boys might also have matching hats, which would be removed during the ceremony in the church. Female guests wore typical visiting costumes for daytime weddings, while mothers and female family members wore slightly more formal outfits. Women also wore bonnets in church weddings. By late in the Victorian era, mothers of the bride were wearing black, although never black crepe; this was reserved for mourning.

The Clothing

Queen Victoria’s wedding in 1840 was the event that instigated many traditions that are still followed today for wedding protocols. Queen Victoria wore a white gown, and white has remained the traditional wedding gown color since this time. Victorian wedding dresses typically featured a fitted bodice with a small waist and a full skirt over layers of petticoats and hoops. Fabrics were usually tulle, lace, silk, linen, and organdy. The bride’s veil was usually made of lace, sheer cotton, or gauze. Bridesmaid’s dresses were also white, and the attendants also wore veils. As the Victorian era continued, wedding gowns began to feature full trains, bustles, and long veils. By the late Victorian era, bustles were less common because the gowns featured shorter trains. Larger sleeves came into fashion. During this time, brides wore their veils covering their faces throughout the entire ceremony until they left the church.

During the early part of the Victorian era, grooms often wore frock coats in claret or blue with a flower in the lapel. Eventually, lapels featured special flower holes to make it easy to pin on a flower. Grooms never wore black, but they might wear trousers of lavender and waistcoats of white. Grooms would also wear gloves and top hats. The groom’s best man would also wear a frock coat, but the color would be more subdued than the groom’s. As the era continued, frock coats were worn less often. Instead, grooms and groomsmen would wear morning coats. By the end of the Victorian era, frock coats were back in style. The boutonnieres worn by the men were large and colorful.

The Ceremony

Most weddings during the Victorian era were held in churches. As the era continued, it became more common for weddings to be held in the parlors of homes, too. Flowers were an important part of ceremony decor. Flowers carried specific meanings. For example, tulips meant passion, and wallflowers meant faithfulness. Queen Victoria’s daughter carried myrtle in her bridal bouquet because myrtle was a symbol of luck and love in marriage.

The Reception

Victorian weddings generally happened early in the day. Thus, wedding receptions usually featured a breakfast. The bride and groom would receive their guests at the reception. Ushers would guide the guests to the corner where the bride and groom were standing to receive them. Guests were supposed to address the bride first unless they only had acquaintance with the groom. Guests never congratulated the bride: It was considered a given that the woman would marry and marry well, but the groom was to be congratulated for having won the bride’s hand in marriage. Guests, in their wedding attire, ate their meal standing, while the wedding party had seats at the reception. Most receptions did not feature entertainment, although if a fancy evening reception was held, dancing would be a part of the celebration. Receptions usually featured three different cakes. One cake was an elaborate wedding cake, and there would be two additional simple cakes for the bride and groom. The bride and groom cakes often had favors baked into them for luck. Guests were given slices of cake to take home with them.